ER Mom

I am a complete ER junkie. I own the first 5 seasons on DVD. I loved watching it with a passion when I was in nursing school. It was so gratifying to learn about something at school & know what they were talking when I watched the latest episode of ER. I love going TO school & talking about it with everyone. When we moved to Vale we didn't get TV so I stuck with the ER oldies. Some interesting factoids: I was watching ER when my water broke (2 months early) with Austin. In the hospital I watched ER right before I went into labor with Emma, Spencer AND Ruth. I always be a devoted fan. I hear rumor that this is the last season...sigh...I will be in mourning.

I didn't ever think about the possibility of being an ER mom. Being on the other side. Being a patient. Or even worse, having my child be a patient. It happened last night.

We were headed to a BBQ had Rachel's (Johnson) house. I was in the bathroom getting ready while the kids were starting to get in the car. Austin was running around in dinosaur mode. Then I heard a terrible thud followed by wails of pain. I could tell right away it was not the normal cry. Austin came to me - I will never forget the sight - with blood gushing down his face. I scooped him up & placed him on the bathroom counter. With a hand towel we clean up & applied pressure. I had Kurt find the butterfly band aids & after we got 2 on, the bleeding stopped considerably. My first thought when I saw him was that he was definitely going to need stitches but I was surprised we got it to stop so quickly. I asked Kurt to take him to Debbi's (family friend & nurse) to see what she thought. Meanwhile the rest of us headed to the BBQ. As soon as I pulled up Kurt called & said that we needed to go to the hospital. So I left Emma & Spencer with the Johnsons and the rest of us headed to Ontario. Both Austin & Ruth fell asleep so Kurt and I considered it our date for the week. So romantic. There was 2 heart attacks going on in the ER so we had a lot of waiting time. We arrived at the ER by 7:30 pm and it was midnight by the time we got back home. While we waited Austin & I snuggled up on the bed & watched TV while Kurt put Ruth to sleep. Since this mom is really missin' her kindergarten she was happy for the chance to snuggle (even though not the happiest of circumstances.) Austin got 6 stitches above his left eye.

Those are the facts. Here are the emotions.

Austin was so brave. I was really proud of him. And today as his eye turns black & blue and continues to swell he doesn't complain or fuss. It is now swollen shut (he's our pirate, aaaaarrrrr matey!) He has been so strong. I'm proud of the way he has handled a hard situation. On the way to Debbi's house he told Kurt, "I wish I was never born so I didn't have to feel this." Such a true statement about the trials we have to go through in this life.

As I placed Austin in the car so Kurt could drive him to Debbi's house Austin said, "Mom, don't leave me. Please stay with me." It broke my heart. You DO NOT separate a mother from her hurting child. Think about it, who do you want when you're sick or hurt or sad? Your mother. No one can replace a mother. And in the same respect that is exactly where a mother wants to be. Kurt was very anxious to go, go, go & help his hurting son NOW. Which I understand but it didn't give Austin and I a chance to work out a plan for us to be together since I had to find a place for the other kids to go. In the end it all worked out. But it had been a while since I had felt the mother-protect-&-comfort-your-child-at-all-costs bond so strongly. He was asleep when Ruth & I joined up with them so he didn't even know I was there until we got into the ER waiting room & he heard my voice. "MOM??!!!" The happiness, comfort & love I heard in his voice brought immediate joy to me. I held him for the rest of the night.

So I (privately) pride myself on a being tough. I don't get weak in the knees about blood, or guts. Nursing school, dissecting & other demands were not a problem. But seeing my baby bleeding all over the place was. I was shocked how it affected me physically. There was 3 distinct times when I was either going to puke or pass out. 1st Time: After we got him bandaged up and Kurt took him to the car & the reality of what had happened finally hit me. 2nd: When the Dr. was checking out the wound & opened it to it's severity. It was so deep, I could see at least an inch of muscle. I had to sit down & put my head in between my legs. 3rd: When they were stitching him up. I was holding onto him so I had to stick it out so he wouldn't know what a hard time I was having. So obviously I'm not as tough as I thought I was. And that's fine by me! I don't ever want to be okay with having my baby in pain.

Throughout the night he mentioned FIVE times, "I can't go to school until my eye is all better." Lucky for him I'm NOT sending him to school tomorrow. I want the swelling to go down before we send him back. But the good news, Tuesday is his show & tell day. He's gonna have something awesome to show. Personally I'm excited he gets to play hookie, I wonder what fun we can cook up!

Besides getting his stitches removed at the end of the week, I'm hoping for no more Dr/ER visits this week!