W30: cold sores and stage lights

July 21-27, 2013

I'm giving you fair warning that its been a long week and I'm emotional. The post pardum hormones are alive and kickin.

Monday Emma Lynn and Spencer started their music theatre camp at Treasure Valley Community College put on by Missoula Children's Theatre. The way it works is Monday they audition, learn the entire play at camp that week and perform it twice on Saturday. The play was "Beauty Lou and the Country Beast."   

Emma Lynn was SO excited to share the news Monday when she got home, "I'm a younger daughter Bobbi Jo!" Her eyes were bright with excitement as she continued to tell me all about the first day. Spencer was a critter. He found out on Wednesday that he was a rooster (WITH a speaking part!) 

Alyssa and Caysen Forsberg were also doing the play so Brittany and I were able to car pool. That was extremely nice. It was fun to see and talk to Brittany throughout the week too. 

Monday was also Julie's birthday so while they were at play practice we drove out to West Fall to deliver her present and birthday wishes.

Tuesday Austin, Ruth and Jane all had well child check ups. Love our PA Sage. We were there nearly 3 hours and had 2 shots and one blood draw among them. They suggested Ruth get her eyes checked and Jane needs to come back for a weight check (still not back to her birth weight.) On the whole great progress and growth.

Two week Stats: 8 lbs 20 3/4 inches

Still sleeps majority of the time,

Feeding 3 times during the night (around 10pm /1am / 5am)

I keep wishing no one else was around so I could just sit in my rocker/recliner all day and soak up every second of Jane. I am enjoying the night feedings because it is quiet and still with no other distractions. Holding her is like being in the celestial room. My piece of heaven.

Wednesday there was a BBQ and free swimming at the pool for the 24th of July. Kurt ended up taking the kids in while Jane and I stayed home (soaking up the quiet time.)

Thursday Ruth had her eye appointment with a new pediatric optometrist (fabulous!) and even better news is that her eyes look great! So so so happy about that. Lunch with Angelica and then rush Austin to the dentist to get 2 cavities filled.

Friday after practice we had Caysen, Baylea, Braxton and Brooke over to play. Everyone was super excited to have a play date - it's been a while. Cortney and kids stayed for home made pizza and breadsticks.

Saturday was all about the play. Lots of baths and doing hair for everyone (including mom because that seems to be an accomplishment these days.) Emma Lynn and Spence had to be there at 11 (I packed them a huge picnic basket of food) so they would not have the possibility to be hungry during their long day.

The first play was at 3 pm. Grandma Cindy, Marti and kids, Kerri and our whole family came to watch. It was fun to finally see what they had been taking and preparing for all week. And they did so great! Emma Lynn was confident and at ease on stage. She said her part perfectly and knew all the words and actions. Spencer was a rooster was SO stinkin cute. ALL the barnyard critter were. I couldn't get over it and wanted them to have more stage time. ;) Spencer, as usual, was a typical ham.

The second performance was at 5:30 (Kerri, Ruth, Jane and I) stayed for it. The older kids were more relaxed and confident for this performance while the young critter were clearly (and quite comically) so tired. Friday night Spencer got stung 3 times by wasps. We have been pumping him full of Benadryl to keep the swelling down. After the first performance his hand was still swollen crazy huge and the skin was so tight. So Kurt ran to the store to get more Benadryl for him. When he came on stage during the second show he was clearly more lethargic and out of it. I was wondering, "How much Benadryl did Kurt give him?!!" We got some good laughs and the tired little critters managed to finish the show.

Afterwards we all went to Idaho Pizza Company to celebrate their hard work and successful show. So proud of you two! I may have FOUR kids (and a niece and nephew) who can't wait to perform next year. And in the meantime we are still singing "county fair, county fair get out of your rocking chair."

                                                               The entire cast

                                              Younger and Older Daughters together.

           Emma Lynn with her older daughter counterpart, Sadie Speelmon (from Owyhee ward.)

And now for a recap of my feelings this week. Lucy has been struggling. And when one of the kids struggle so does the mom. Lucy loves her bebe Jane and is super sweet to her. For this I am extremely 100% grateful. She has never been mean or hurtful to her. But she is struggling to find her "place" in our family with all the changes. At least that is what I'm assuming. I have never had a child struggle transitioning with a new baby. Honestly I'm shocked that Lucy is the child that is. She is acting like my other girls at 3 {which was way harder than 2.} Maybe two is going to be hard for Lucy. I'm not sure. But there were many points during the week when she was driving me crazy. And that made me sad. She has always been so sweet and so fun and so happy. Its kinda been breaking my heart that she is struggling. Do I not hug and kiss and tell her how much I adore her enough??? {insert tears here.}

Lucy has chosen to use potty training to voice her feelings. She has been done {at her own interest and success} since May. To see her completely regress has been SO hard. I don't get it. Why would you want to have accidents and even resort to diapers again {which is what it has come to a few times.} I realize that it is ONE thing she has complete control over. She is choosing to have control of that situation by exercising no bodily control. And I am reminding myself to breathe. And redoubling my efforts to SHOWER her with love and attention, hugs and kisses. Austin, Emma Lynn, Spencer and Ruth too.

Quite honestly it is making me feel like a failure as a parent. {insert cold sore here.}

To top it off I noticed small sores on Lucy top and bottom lip Saturday morning. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I realized she TOO had cold sores. And now would have to deal with them for the rest of her life. They are terrible and I despise them and so I feel so guilty. I should have been more careful in my showering of kisses....ahhhh! And then my heart breaks that my little two year old was feeling stressed enough for the virus to contract.

I don't know what else to do besides shower her with love {with boundaries.} But I will continue to tell her that I love her. I will hold her tight when she says she needs me. I will continue to hold her hand as we drive. I will be patient as she decides what she is doing with potty training. I will tell her how she is loved endlessly and makes our family so happy. And I will pray for strength to do it over and over again each day.

For once in my life I am looking forward to school starting so Lucy, Jane and I can get into a calming routine. I have to hold onto the hope that it will help my Lucy Goose transition. And in a few weeks time {I pray} life will even out again.

----Romans Reflections----

- Lucy calles the pacifier a "pinky"

- I've been curious to see what nicknames Jane would get. So far not a single person has called her Janey (shock!) Most often she is refered to as BeBe Jane. Ruth has given her own cute nickname that only she uses of Jane Bug.

- We are less than a month out for school to start. Ahhhhh (panic) Ruth actually told someone she wasn't excited to start school. So I'm repenting and have told her so.