w32: Fog after a beautiful blessing

August 4 - 10, 2013

Sunday was Jane's blessing. Traci was already in town and Sam was the only other family member who was close enough to come and he was willing to make the drive so we set the date. Quite honestly I didn't want to do lunch afterwards. It just sounded like too much work and I was tired. Jen and Jamie helped me plan and get excited so I could keep up the tradition.

It was a beautiful day. I can look back on it with a smile and happy heart.

I did feel stress getting to that point but it can all be forgotten now that its over. Kurt worked really hard cleaning up the outside. It makes him feel bad that I feel like we live on a dump. I appreciate his efforts.

The blessing was beautiful. I found out later {through the grapevine} that after the blessing Jane opened her eyes smiled.

Jane was blessed that:
* as the youngest member of her family that she could always be an example to her siblings and parents.
* as she goes through trials and adversity she would have the strength to overcome faithfully.
* she would be a light and an example to all
* she would open her mouth and share the gospel
* she would get married in the temple and have the blessings of temple covenants
* she would embrace the gospel in her life as it was taught to her at home and in church
* she would remain close to the Lord
* she should always be a light
* She is loved.

Beautiful spirit. And it continued as I, Spencer and Kurt bore testimony of the gospel. Truly sweet is the peace the gospel brings. I always gain a greater witness of the plan of salvation during the process of bringing precious spirits to this earth. I am grateful for the sacrifice required on my part in that process because it humbles me, gives me understanding  and deepens my love.

Jane wore the same dress that her sisters were blessed in with a new bracelet all her own. Like Lucy, her fingernails were painted red and was wrapped in the beautiful blanket from Grandma Richards who I know was sending hugs her way that day.

                                             

The lunch afterwards was great. Again I appreciate all the family and friends who helped make it possible and enjoyable. My heart is at peace and over flowing. I am undeserving but truly grateful for all that the Lord has blessed me with.

This is us. 

My family. Complete. Eight strong. Crazy. Funny. Thoughtful. Loud. Loving and STRIVING.

They are my everything.

Bless the Lord in His infinite wisdom to give us families.

Families that can be forever.

Jane there has been such a peace with your arrival. Such a sense of completion. Thank you for joining us. We needed you. I am so glad that you are here! I love you with my whole heart. Just as I love your siblings and your father. That love will never waiver, only continue to grow. I promise to teach you and love you forever. You are our blessing.

Monday Marti and Christy took my oldest 4 plus their oldest and Kea to Roaring Springs Water Park. Sam and I stayed home to watch the littles. {Lucy, Jason, Bryler and Jane.} Sam was the real hero of the day. Lucy and I were dying thanks to my nursing nemesis thrush. We had an appointment at 2:30 and Sam stayed with the other 3 while Jane and I went to get help. I really, really appreciate his help. The older kids had a WONDERFUL day! Shout out to Marti and Christy for braving the group and even having fun. ;)

                                                All smiles and excitements BEFORE

                                            

                                                      Tired and sun burnt AFTER

                           These little cousins don't need a big water park to have fun together!

Tuesday we went to the school for uniform fittings. I put it off as long as humanly possible this year. The school was starting to get nervous. Haha. We only had to buy 3 things for Ruth because Emma keeps her clothes in good shape. That was a nice blessing. And luckily Ruth wasn't sad to have her sisters clothes. Look how excited she is! Man, she is a cutie. We came home and made her kindergarten count down chain. Its the very FIRST thing she does each morning!

I'm going to write very little about the rest of the week and just use the tactic of showing a lot of pictures instead. So the thrush is kicking my trash. Jane cleared up within 2 days but I am still fighting it. Constant pain, crying while nursing, depression, guilt etc...It just keeps getting worse and so I know its triggering all my emotions to be SUPER sentitive. Ahhh. It has been a very long week. I haven't left my rocker/recliner much. We didn't live the house for 3 days straight {that is UNHEARD of.} I shut myself away in my room when I feed so no one can see me cry and honestly I cannot handle one more extra word, noise or distraction while I'm trying to nurse. It finally dawned on me on Friday I that WAS NOT functioning. I was failing Jane and all the other 5 kids I have. I cannot hide away every few hours when she needs to eat. School is going to start soon and life will be on the road again. Something has to change. I don't think I can do it much longer. I've been praying to know what to do. There is such guilt if I wean her at one month. But there is guilt to continue this sadness. I'm not mothering the rest. Or do I continue on this nursing disaster and hope it gets better at some point??? 

5 am Friday morning Kurt was dressed in his suit. I asked where he was going and he said to the temple. Later when we were talking he told me he had been praying to know how to help me when he had the impression to go to the temple and put my name on the prayer roll. I was touched and humbled by his love and service to me. What a wonderful man I am blessed with. Since then my spirits have increased enough that I can see out of the numbing fog I was in but the pain has not decreased. I think its back to the Doctors tomorrow. 

And now the pictures:

                                               Early morning love for bebe Jane

                        Dressing up to visit the Dr on Monday. So cute even with thrush.

               This corner of my bathroom has turned into Jane's doctoring/diapering station.

                                                      In Love with this face.

              Spencer and Braxton on a special playdate with each other Saturday {thank Marti!}

 
                                                      Such good roomies already

We started reading Harry Potter out loud this week and this is what happened directly after I finished a chapter. Great reading stamina these days! We are enjoying the book though.
                                 

                                                     What a good little mother

Sam worked for Bill and Cindy on Tuesday and Wednesday. After determining that farm/ranch life was not for him he headed home Thursday morning. Wish we had work that would make him want to stay longer. Grateful that he came and stayed a few days. Thank you for your quiet service and support. Love you Sam!

                                   

My view from the rocker/recline all week.

And lastly Jane turned ONE MONTH on Friday August 9th. I estimate that she is right around 9 pounds {she was 8.13 on Monday at the Dr.} She has been sleeping 4-5 hour stretches at night this week. She is a lot more awake and alert. She will stay awake after eating and take in her surroundings. Which usually end up in hiccups and me rocking her to sleep with her "pinky" because she is over stimulated. She has gained more control with her head, picking it up to look around before resting it again. Definitely going to have brown eyes and I know smiles are just around the corner. She is not patient about when its time to eat and cries loudly. Its all about the food.

Loved this text we received from Gwendolyn on Friday:

                              

                                            

                                   


~~Romans Reflections~~
Just want to remember a happy moment among the fog. Kurt came home from work to find me in the rocker yet again {shock.} The older girls gathered in our room quickly once they realized dad was home. Lucy was silly as usual and we turned on music to promote her silliness.

"My favorite TV is Shake It Up." Followed by a lot of shaking of her hips.

It felt so good to laugh. Kurt played Hide and Seek with them after the dance party was over.