Wednesday, July 31, 2013

W31 we are a work in progress

July 28 - August 3, 2013

Still transitioning. I've been trying to decide what has made this time harder than the rest. Is it Lucy's need for extra TLC? Is it my age? Is it the inability to cope with less sleep? Is it the responsibility of caring for 6? Is it my shortcoming staring me in the face? Is it an over abundance of hormones?

Most likely a combination of all of the above.

I want it to be stated that I am enjoying Jane and her snuggles. Lucy still makes me laugh with all her crazy antics. I smile as Ruth uses the kitchen island as a ballet barre. Spencer and I are enjoying quiet time reading "Pirates Past Noon" together. Emma Lynn brings joy as she offers and helps with laundry and dishes so I can help Jane. Austin continues fold any piece of paper into shapes and creations at an alarming rate.

Life is good.

But I feel off my game. I don't feel like myself. Trying to gain balance and find the new normal for a mom of six. We still read scriptures, pray and have family home evening. The essentials that keep us focus and grounded to the Lord. It will come. And in the process I just need to be patient with myself.

Enough of my feelings. Here's what happened this week. Tuesday was ROMANS DAY.Traci was in town for the week and so this was our family reunion. The moms and kids met at Kelli's house that afternoon to play. They 2 rented bounce houses, and snow cone machine for lots of out door water fun. The kids were in cousin heaven. Really appreciate Kelli for hosting and all the preparation that went into that.

Unfortunately the girls still had ballet that afternoon. Because it was the last practice before their performance at the fair this week I felt like it was important to go. I may have had to bribe them with ice cream cones to leave the cousin party. Once there they were in dance heaven. During Emma's class the teacher asked her if she wanted to do a solo at the fair. She said yes and we started making plans. I was shocked and excited that she was willing to do this. After class we went back to Kelli's for pizza and watermelon. The guys had also arrived by this time. It was a good evening.

Jane is 3 weeks old today also. She has progressed to being awake for longer stretches during the day {usually twice.} She looks like she is always on the verge of smiling. This excitement usually overstimulates her and she will often get the hiccups. I will rock her to sleep. Her sleep pattern at night has generally increased to 4 hour durations.

Wednesday Jane had a weight check. She still had not got back to her birth weight so the Dr wanted to make sure we were making progress. At 3 weeks she weighs 8.12 lbs, surpassing birth weight and the Dr. was extremely happy with her progress.

After the check up we went to Jo-Anns to pick up material and such to make a special costume for Emma Lynn's solo on Saturday. I wanted to do something special for her because I felt like this was a big deal and I wanted Emma Lynn to feel beautiful and confident. Since she was dancing alone we had the liberty to do whatever we wanted. We discuss some ideas, searched Pinterest and found inspiration from all the shiny, glittery pink fabric. If only I knew how to sew!! Luckily a talented lady in our ward was gracious enough to take the project on a 3 day time frame {bless her heart!}

Thursday I had plans to go to the temple with Jamie. We were going to switch off with Jane. Lucy was need of mom that morning and so I modified my plans. Since I still had a babysitter coming to watch the other kids Lucy and I went on a mommy date. I needed to make a run to Costco for all the weekend events {company coming and Jane's blessing.} So we did that plus a few other stores. We picked out new fingernail polish and a coloring book {which we did together at home.} Of course food was involved but mainly just spent some time together. "We're on a date!" she would exclaim to me.

During the course of the week we have gone back to diapers 100% with her. I wanted our interaction to be happy and positive and all things toilet were not. So it wasn't worth it. I have no doubts that when she is ready and wants to the potty training will be a snap. But that time is not yet. And to not battle it is better. There is peace and easiest by removing that element and now we can just focus on Lucy. One thing at a time.

Kurt spent a lot of time Wednesday - Saturday working outside to get the place cleaned up for the weekend. He had ripped out most of the trees the week Jane was born. So it was just cleaning up the branches, rocks and junk. The kids "helped" some too. I appreciate his efforts and it does look much better.

Friday I went over to the Sprint store - it was officially time to get an upgrade for my phone! My camera had broken right after I had gotten my phone fixed in Logan {the beginning of June!} It was very torturous to not have a camera on my phone especially having a new baby. Any how I was extremely grateful to get a new phone!! I got the same phone {4s} so that I didn't have to spend any more money on it.

Saturday we spent the morning finishing up cleaning projects {inside and out} and then got ready for the fair. Emma Lynn's costume turned out beautifully. I was so pleased. Sam pulled into town just as we were heading over to Ontario. Perfect timing. We met Kerri over there to do make up. In true fair fashion it was hot and it felt like we were melting watching them but the girls did so fabulous! Its so fun to watch and I'm a proud mama.

Lucy did even better, smiling constantly, having fun and doing all the moves. So comical.

Ruth is so exact with her dancing, quite the perfectionist. She has a quiet smile and does so well.
Emma Lynn probably practiced 5 times a day {at least.} She was ready. She was excited AND nervous. She was flawless. Who knew that was my shy daughter. SO PROUD of the progress she has made, all her hard work and the confidence to do hard things.

We ate some fair food. Saw a few animals and then headed home.

Our good friends from Iowa were driving through and spent the night with us. It was so great to see them again. Such good people. I wish we had had more time together. It was so fun to see their son Sam and Austin {who were good friends as toddlers} pick up and have fun together.

I pulled a late night to finish preparation for Jane's blessing the next morning. While things started to even out with Lucy towards the end of the week nursing took a turn for the worse around Thursday. I have no doubt that Jane and I have thrush. The pain makes us both cry and we are praying for the strength to endure. If she wasn't so little I'd wean her. 

~~~~Romans Reflections~~~~~
- Lucy has become very good at expressing herself:
-----"I am so happy right now."
----- she woke up gave me a hug and said, " good morning. I am a child of god."
-----"I am sad. Will you make me happy ?"
- Lucy loves to watch PBS Daniel tiger neighborhood on my Kindle.
- Lucy also loves to give Eskimo kisses which she calls muga muga
- Spencer said the one thing he could not live without (after family) was dads pancake syrup.
- Ruth explained the social truth: girls drive cars and boys drive pick ups
- Emma's nick names: luz guz {Lucy} and john-night-o {Junito the cat}
- Lucy often tells me, "I want to keep her." {referring to Jane.}

Sunday, July 28, 2013

W30: cold sores and stage lights

July 21-27, 2013

I'm giving you fair warning that its been a long week and I'm emotional. The post pardum hormones are alive and kickin.

Monday Emma Lynn and Spencer started their music theatre camp at Treasure Valley Community College put on by Missoula Children's Theatre. The way it works is Monday they audition, learn the entire play at camp that week and perform it twice on Saturday. The play was "Beauty Lou and the Country Beast."   

Emma Lynn was SO excited to share the news Monday when she got home, "I'm a younger daughter Bobbi Jo!" Her eyes were bright with excitement as she continued to tell me all about the first day. Spencer was a critter. He found out on Wednesday that he was a rooster (WITH a speaking part!) 

Alyssa and Caysen Forsberg were also doing the play so Brittany and I were able to car pool. That was extremely nice. It was fun to see and talk to Brittany throughout the week too. 

Monday was also Julie's birthday so while they were at play practice we drove out to West Fall to deliver her present and birthday wishes.
Tuesday Austin, Ruth and Jane all had well child check ups. Love our PA Sage. We were there nearly 3 hours and had 2 shots and one blood draw among them. They suggested Ruth get her eyes checked and Jane needs to come back for a weight check (still not back to her birth weight.) On the whole great progress and growth.

Two week Stats: 8 lbs 20 3/4 inches
Still sleeps majority of the time,
Feeding 3 times during the night (around 10pm /1am / 5am)
I keep wishing no one else was around so I could just sit in my rocker/recliner all day and soak up every second of Jane. I am enjoying the night feedings because it is quiet and still with no other distractions. Holding her is like being in the celestial room. My piece of heaven.

Wednesday there was a BBQ and free swimming at the pool for the 24th of July. Kurt ended up taking the kids in while Jane and I stayed home (soaking up the quiet time.)

Thursday Ruth had her eye appointment with a new pediatric optometrist (fabulous!) and even better news is that her eyes look great! So so so happy about that. Lunch with Angelica and then rush Austin to the dentist to get 2 cavities filled.

Friday after practice we had Caysen, Baylea, Braxton and Brooke over to play. Everyone was super excited to have a play date - it's been a while. Cortney and kids stayed for home made pizza and breadsticks.

Saturday was all about the play. Lots of baths and doing hair for everyone (including mom because that seems to be an accomplishment these days.) Emma Lynn and Spence had to be there at 11 (I packed them a huge picnic basket of food) so they would not have the possibility to be hungry during their long day.

The first play was at 3 pm. Grandma Cindy, Marti and kids, Kerri and our whole family came to watch. It was fun to finally see what they had been taking and preparing for all week. And they did so great! Emma Lynn was confident and at ease on stage. She said her part perfectly and knew all the words and actions. Spencer was a rooster was SO stinkin cute. ALL the barnyard critter were. I couldn't get over it and wanted them to have more stage time. ;) Spencer, as usual, was a typical ham.

The second performance was at 5:30 (Kerri, Ruth, Jane and I) stayed for it. The older kids were more relaxed and confident for this performance while the young critter were clearly (and quite comically) so tired. Friday night Spencer got stung 3 times by wasps. We have been pumping him full of Benadryl to keep the swelling down. After the first performance his hand was still swollen crazy huge and the skin was so tight. So Kurt ran to the store to get more Benadryl for him. When he came on stage during the second show he was clearly more lethargic and out of it. I was wondering, "How much Benadryl did Kurt give him?!!" We got some good laughs and the tired little critters managed to finish the show.

Afterwards we all went to Idaho Pizza Company to celebrate their hard work and successful show. So proud of you two! I may have FOUR kids (and a niece and nephew) who can't wait to perform next year. And in the meantime we are still singing "county fair, county fair get out of your rocking chair."

                                                               The entire cast

                                              Younger and Older Daughters together.
           Emma Lynn with her older daughter counterpart, Sadie Speelmon (from Owyhee ward.)

And now for a recap of my feelings this week. Lucy has been struggling. And when one of the kids struggle so does the mom. Lucy loves her bebe Jane and is super sweet to her. For this I am extremely 100% grateful. She has never been mean or hurtful to her. But she is struggling to find her "place" in our family with all the changes. At least that is what I'm assuming. I have never had a child struggle transitioning with a new baby. Honestly I'm shocked that Lucy is the child that is. She is acting like my other girls at 3 {which was way harder than 2.} Maybe two is going to be hard for Lucy. I'm not sure. But there were many points during the week when she was driving me crazy. And that made me sad. She has always been so sweet and so fun and so happy. Its kinda been breaking my heart that she is struggling. Do I not hug and kiss and tell her how much I adore her enough??? {insert tears here.}

Lucy has chosen to use potty training to voice her feelings. She has been done {at her own interest and success} since May. To see her completely regress has been SO hard. I don't get it. Why would you want to have accidents and even resort to diapers again {which is what it has come to a few times.} I realize that it is ONE thing she has complete control over. She is choosing to have control of that situation by exercising no bodily control. And I am reminding myself to breathe. And redoubling my efforts to SHOWER her with love and attention, hugs and kisses. Austin, Emma Lynn, Spencer and Ruth too.

Quite honestly it is making me feel like a failure as a parent. {insert cold sore here.}

To top it off I noticed small sores on Lucy top and bottom lip Saturday morning. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I realized she TOO had cold sores. And now would have to deal with them for the rest of her life. They are terrible and I despise them and so I feel so guilty. I should have been more careful in my showering of kisses....ahhhh! And then my heart breaks that my little two year old was feeling stressed enough for the virus to contract.

I don't know what else to do besides shower her with love {with boundaries.} But I will continue to tell her that I love her. I will hold her tight when she says she needs me. I will continue to hold her hand as we drive. I will be patient as she decides what she is doing with potty training. I will tell her how she is loved endlessly and makes our family so happy. And I will pray for strength to do it over and over again each day.

For once in my life I am looking forward to school starting so Lucy, Jane and I can get into a calming routine. I have to hold onto the hope that it will help my Lucy Goose transition. And in a few weeks time {I pray} life will even out again.

----Romans Reflections----
- Lucy calles the pacifier a "pinky"
- I've been curious to see what nicknames Jane would get. So far not a single person has called her Janey (shock!) Most often she is refered to as BeBe Jane. Ruth has given her own cute nickname that only she uses of Jane Bug.
- We are less than a month out for school to start. Ahhhhh (panic) Ruth actually told someone she wasn't excited to start school. So I'm repenting and have told her so.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

w28: All About JANE

July 7 - July 13, 2013

She's here! 
She's HERE!! 

Oh happy day. Our joy is full.

Our Summer of Service Day 42 (07.07) 
We attended Parma 1 ward for some stake YW business. It was a happy break for me from our ward. The last week pregnant and I didn't have to answer all the endless questions why I was still pregnant and so huge. Parma 1 was nice to me and made me feel good. Personally so grateful we attended their ward.

We had Nick and Jamie over for dinner and I found out right before they came that the missionaries didn't have a dinner appointment. So obviously they came too. After dinner we divided and made visits. I went with the missionaries to Maggie and Kea's while Kurt took the kids to Kerri's (with birthday wishes.) Both visits went well. It was a perfect Sunday of family time and service. 

Our Summer of Service Day 43 (07.08)
After getting our chores done that morning we met up with friends to watch "dispicable me 2." Afterwards we ran errands (home depot, Walgreens, the library and grocery shopping.) 

We got home at 8:30. I got the kids bathed and was reading books with Lucy in her bed when Kurt got home. He came in to wish her good night. When he walked into the room at 9:45 I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my cervix. Kurt helped me up so I could investigate the pain. Slowly as I started moving around I started getting wet. I changed my garments and within seconds they were wet too. 

I said to Kurt, "So just to let you know my water broke."

His eyes got big, "High Five (which we actually did) cause I don't know what else to do!"

We had a short family home evening which mainly consisted of a blessing for me (I had asked for one that morning without knowing the events that would unfold.) Found someone to watch the kids (Brooke Hawkins was coming out the next morning to babysit b/c I had a Doctor appointment so we asked her to come a little earlier and spend the night with them.)

Then we grabbed the prepared bags and headed out the door. I was proud and grateful for the way the kids handled the situation. Emma Lynn finished reading scriptures with Spence and Ruth. Lucy had not fallen asleep with all the excitement and Austin went in to read and help her calm down and go to sleep. I knew they would be fine until Brooke arrived. That was a great feeling. Proud of their maturity and ability to help when it was needed.

I started timing contractions on the drive over. They were 5-10 minutes apart but not increasing in intensity. I felt confident that we would reach the hospital in time. I even told Kurt to slow down twice ;)

We checked into the labor and delivery triage at 11:30 pm. They did some test, hooked me up to a monitor and confirmed that my water had indeed broken. I was dilated to a 4 1/2 at this point. The nurse went out and Kurt fell asleep. And I continue to have contractions. I could tell I was making progress (as I walked around the tiny room) and really kept wondering why they hadn't moved us to a labor and delivery room. Just when I was about to wake up Kurt and get some attention from the nurse they showed up to take us to our L & D room. The walk over was just about the most painful thing ever. Wasn't sure if I was going to make it actually. And the nurse tells me, "just breathe." 

We walked into our room and I looked at the bed and knew I could not get in it. I told the nurse, "I need to push." They called Dr. Laura Mullan (on call at the hospital) to come in the room until Dr. Rice got there. She checked me and I was at a 10 and complete. They called my doctor. I knew that she would not make it in time. Again I said, "I need to push." Dr. Mullan had her gloves on but I got the impression she was waiting for Dr. Rice to show up. That was not happening. I was feeling like no one was hearing me, did I need to scream it? No time for that either. The next contraction I pushed and Jane's head was out. That got their attention and they jumped over to grab her as I pushed once more and she was born. 12:49 am. 9 minutes after we walked into the L&D room. 

I almost felt like I needed to apologize for having her so quickly and abruptly. BUT I did tell them it was time to push. I really wasn't joking. You think they would listen to someone who had delivered 6 times. I wasn't admitted to the hospital, no IV, the bed wasn't broke and table not set for delivery. But obviously none of that matters because she came regardless of it all. I knew Kurt would jump in and catch her if they didn't.

They immediately put her skin to skin. She fussed and was discontent. "Aren't you happy to be born?!!" She was rooting and searching which was irritating. Seriously, can't I have a few minutes before we have to start that nonsense? Nope. A girl doesn't get big cheeks for nothing. She latched like a pro and was finally happy to be born.

She weighed in at 8.7 and 19 1/2 inches long. Kurt went back to sleep after notifying family and taking pictures. I cuddled and basked in the happiness that YES she was actually here and YES it was over!! ;)

They moved us to the mother / baby floor around 3 am. They continued to check us constantly and sleep was near impossible. Honestly I was still riding on adrenaline and probably wouldn't have slept any way.

We got up for "real" around 7. We ordered our special "congratulations" breakfast, took more pictures and talked with family and friends. The highlight for me was talking with my parents in Madagascar for over an hour. Maybe I should give birth more often! J/K

Kurt left around 9 to go back to Vale and get the kids. I was anxious to see them, for them to meet baby Jane and to be together as a family. While he was gone Jamie and boys came by to visit {thank for you the beautiful flowers.}

It was such a sweet reunion. It always makes me a bit weepy. In past the youngest child always look very overwhelmed, almost scared when they walk into the hospital room and see mom in a strange gown with a new baby. Not Lucy. She came running in, "Bebe Jane!" She was SO excited that she has HAIR! Lucy heaven and she continues to stroke it.

There visit was not very long as they were headed to Nyssa for ballet class. That evening Kerri and then the Kelli Ruf family came to visit. It was a semi restful night as far as hospitals go. Quiet hours in the early morning dawn snuggling my sweetness. Those are memories to cherish. Like other deliveries my body felt great and the other pain was nursing induced contractions.

Kurt was anxious to get us home and showed up in the early afternoon {even though I told him not to.} It always takes a while to wait for the doctors and nurses to get everything in order. The waiting driving him crazy {which is why I asked him to wait.} We finally got it all squared away. Here is Jane and I in "regular clothes" ready to take on the world.

 Kurt saw a good friend from our stake as he was coming into the hospital. His 16 year old daughter was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer just weeks ago. They had just checked into the hospital for more chemo. He asked Kurt to help him give a blessing. It was such a humbling experience. To have just been given a perfect gift straight from heaven and walk through the PICU with kids sick and struggling. To have friends face the trial of cancer with a beautiful, young, righteous daughter of God. I truly felt blessed beyond measure. Humbled and undeserving and grateful. Beyond words grateful.

Look at this sweet and happy scene to come home to.

This perfectly summarizes how the rest of the week went:

                                                                2 days old

                                                                3 days old

                                                                4 days old

                                                                5 days old

6 days old {LOVE this pic}

Jane was more calm once we got home from the hospital. The first 3 nights were long with not much sleeping. I was pretty happy just to hold and cuddle. I was blessed to get a nap each day so that was helpful too. By the fourth night she slept just a little bit more. Each night after that she would sleep a little longer stretch. It worked out perfectly and I was grateful.

Ruth is quite a little mother. I've been surprised because I expected it of Emma Lynn but its super cute.


If Jane cries Emma Lynn or Austin will quite quickly bring her to me. Most often I will be doing the dishes or laundry. Emma Lynn will say, "Mom take Jane so you can feed her. I can do that." These words no matter how many times she's said it are like a sweet treat to my heart. I appreciate her help.

Jane sleeps well in the craddle in our room. I decided to go with pink and grey for Lucy and Jane's room. I love her quilts and how the whole color scheme is coming together. And hello, her elephant, so cute.

It was a perfect first week home together. I am so grateful that I asked Kurt to take time off and that he was able to. I am so grateful that we could be home together. I am grateful for all the family and friends that came to meet and adore Jane. I am grateful for the presents and cards that came in the mail from family that is not close by. I am grateful for the meals that came and continue to come. I am grateful to be a mother and have my eternal family around me. My heart feels at peace and complete.

~~~Romans Reflections~~~

Saturday Lucy had her very FIRST stage debut at the Nyssa Thunderegg Days. She was so SO cute. She did not hesitate for a second and walked on stage with all the confidence necessary. She did all the moves and smiled at her family. So proud of my little starlet!

Home Again

June 3 - 9, 2018 Sunday, 06.03 Monday, 06.04   Tuesday, 06.05 Wednesday, 06.06 Happy 2nd Birthday to sweet Eleanor!! ...